When it comes to being in a relationship, we need to be on the lookout for potential red flags—those signs that there might be danger (or major toxicity) up ahead. These can be different than yellow flags, merely pointing to a need for caution or a little bit of honest communication. Red means stop. Evaluate. Think through how to move forward—whether that means continuing the relationship or choosing to break it off. We’ve come up with 40 things to watch for on your own jungle safari, as you set out on a quest for quality companionship. Here are 40 relationship red flags to watch for the next time you’re out there in the jungle of dating.
40 Relationship Red Flags
1. The relationship is moving too fast
A good relationship should progress smoothly and steadily, not a full-on pump of the gas pedal, giving you whiplash from its rapid acceleration.
2. They order food for both of you
If you aren’t even given the opportunity to order food for yourself, it might point to your opinion having less value than it deserves.
3. Your gut is telling you “no way”
If something feels wrong, then it probably is. Brains come with a protective instinct we should listen to.
4. They don’t contribute to a conversation
Not only will the relationship be boring, but this can also show that a person has things to hide. Don’t judge too harshly on the first date; they could just be nervous, but if happens regularly, ask yourself if the two of you have enough in common to talk about.
5. They pick a dingy bar for your first date
This definitely depends on how well you know each other and your personal preferences. But while it doesn’t have to be the Ritz-Carlton, there should be some desire to make a good first impression.
6. They don’t maintain eye contact anymore
If they used to make eye contact but have stopped, that’s something to pay attention to. People with things to hide avert eye contact. Relationships should be comfortable and honest, between two trustworthy people.
7. They are hypocritical
No one wants to date a hypocrite. Their actions should definitely match their words.
8. They talk badly about their exes
If they talk bad about their exes, who’s to say they won’t do the same about you?
9. They constantly view the glass as half empty
Not only can this get on one’s nerves, but after a while, it may start to affect the way you look at things around you as well.
10. They are overly positive, to the point of being dismissive
On the other hand, it can be just as bad if someone shows themselves to be unrealistically positive and dismissive of the challenges you face. Avoid extremes.
11. They are rude to the waiter, taxi driver, etc.
You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who treats people just doing their jobs as if they are beneath them.
12. They drink in excessive amounts
Alcoholism is harmful to relationships. Drunks can be dangerous to themselves and others. If you think they need help and they’re not willing to acknowledge their reliance on alcohol, that’s a red flag. Don’t just walk away, run.
13. They’re always too busy to go on dates
Obviously never even seeing someone is a red flag. If they talk about going out, but never make the time to do so, then adios.
14. They recreate themselves to be your ideal partner
Make sure the person you’re getting to know is who they actually are—not who they think you want them to be.
15. They don’t text back
They don’t have to respond immediately because, of course, they have a life. But if they don’t respond for days at a time, it might be time to moonwalk out the door.
16. They don’t allow for boundaries
No matter how good it’s going, relationships need room to breathe.
17. They overshare
The abbreviation TMI (too much information) exists for a reason. As an example, they shouldn’t tell you their friend or family member’s deep secrets, and if they do, chances are they would do the same with your own secrets.
18. They are evasive about every question you ask them
If they’re always the one asking questions, and they never fully answer yours, something is up.
19. They only ever talk about themselves
They should show some interest in your life, just as you should show interest in theirs.
20. You are the only one making plans
If someone wants to see you, they will make it happen. If they never make an effort, chances are they aren’t interested anymore.
21. They get jealous over little things, even when you assure them there’s nothing to worry about
If they don’t listen when you tell them it’s no big deal, then they don’t trust you. And a relationship without trust isn’t a true relationship.
22. They refuse to label your relationship
After only a few dates, sometimes it’s hard to label where you are, but if they’ve been ignoring it for months, then it might be time to start asking yourself why.
23. They never meet you in the middle
Relationships are “give and take” in equal amounts. If they never give, but only seem to take, then you aren’t getting all you should out of the relationship.
24. Your family (or close friend group) is vocal about not liking them
No one knows you like your family does—whether they’re your blood or chosen family. If they say something’s off, consider heeding their advice.
25. They are controlling
A relationship doesn’t mean you give up all your freedom. If it’s their way or the highway, take the highway every time.
26. They belittle the things you like
If they are a quality partner, they’ll respect you and the things you like, possibly even taking an interest in learning more about said things.
27. They seem to be extremely caught up in looks
There’s a difference between wanting to look nice, and being obsessed with it. If they’re constantly pulling out their phones to fix their hair with the selfie screen, they are too caught up in how they look. Listen for comments they make about your appearance too. They should like you the way you are.
28. They lean on you heavily for everything
It is exhausting having to be someone’s rock 24/7. If they need constant comfort, the relationship ends up being nothing but a drain.
29. They lie
If you can’t trust the person you’re with, then what’s the point?
30. They don’t trust you
If they’re always asking about your whereabouts, or worried you’re hiding something, then you’re wasting your time.
31. They are possessive of you
If your significant other tries to tell you you’re not allowed to talk to certain people or follows you around at parties, they might be more interested in “owning” you than in having a relationship.
32. The relationship feels like it isn’t going anywhere
You don’t have to get married, but the relationship should have some direction. If your relationship feels stuck in a time loop, it might be time to end that relationship.
33. They can’t hold down a job
People who can’t keep jobs often show themselves to be undependable. They might show up late. They might not show up at all. If losing jobs becomes a regular pattern, get to the bottom of it. There could be genuine, valid reasons, but it would be good to know their reasoning.
34. You’re not sure they have any hobbies
Everyone has something they like to do. If this person doesn’t, and is unwilling to try new things, that will likely become a problem. Being in a relationship with a person who has no hobbies might prove to be boring.
35. They pressure you to do things you don’t want to do
If you have no say in what you do and don’t do, then it’s a toxic relationship. Your boundaries should be respected, as should your morals.
36. They make you feel bad about yourself
A good partner will lift you up, while a bad one will tear you down. Words hurt, and take their toll. Monitor the relationship’s effect on your self-esteem.
37. They don’t like your friends or family
It’s one thing to have a beef with a person or two in your life, but If your partner doesn’t like any of the people who are important to you, and actually puts them down, it’s difficult to see a way forward in the relationship.
38. They are extremely demanding of your time
They need to respect that you have a life outside of the relationship, and be understanding about managing your calendar.
39. It seems like you have nothing in common
If you can’t find any common ground, then it can be a struggle to find things to talk about. When you’re in an established relationship, the conversation should flow easily and freely.
40. They have no interest in your life
If someone is truly interested, they’ll want to know you better. The good, the bad, the ugly, they’ll want the details. Next up, Do You Keep Falling for Narcissists? Here’s How To Break the Cycle
