We talked to experts on the best active listening phrases and body language to use to show people you are really interested in what they have to say.
Use body language and specific phrases
Keischa Pruden, LCMHCS, LCAS, CCS, owner and therapist of Pruden Counseling Concepts has the following recommendations to show active listening.
1. Please tell me more.
This sentence lets the other person know that not only are you listening to them, you want to know more information on the topic at hand.
2. Go on.
This sentence lets the other person know you are aware of the pause in the conversation and you want them to proceed.
3. I’m listening.
Sometimes people are hesitant to start or continue a conversation. This sentence invites them to start talking or continue talking.
4. Lean in/lean forward towards the other person
This body language alerts the other person you are invested in what they’re saying. It’s a positive affirmation that you care.
5. Maintain eye contact
If culturally appropriate, maintaining eye contact is body language that lets the other person know you are following the conversation and ready to respond.
Go a step further
Rolf Bax, Chief Human Resources Officer at Resume.io, a resume-builder and career insight company says that most people need to use active-listening skills in work settings in order to forge strong working relationships with their team members and colleagues.
6. Paraphrase without parroting
One of the foundational elements of active listening is showing your conversation partner that you have either fully absorbed their message and understand what they are saying or are looking for clarification. Paraphrasing using different language signals to your partner that you were engaged with what they were saying and asking for confirmation by using follow-up questions like “Is that correct?” or “Do I have that right?” shows you are earnest in your desire to understand.
7. Describe the person’s feelings
Regardless of what emotions your conversation partner’s statements convey, statements that accurately describe their feelings back to them indicate empathy, which builds trust. If someone is describing an interpersonal problem with a spouse or friend where there has been miscommunication or misinterpretation that has caused conflict, phrases such as ‘“It can be so frustrating when people we care about misinterpret us” show that you are actively listening, analyzing and trying to find common ground with what is being said to you.
Consider these active listening responses
Sander Tamm, CEO and founder of E-Student notes that while there are many effective non-verbal expressions, there are key responses that indicate you’re listening.
8. Please give me more details.
This makes the talker express more or try to process what they’re saying. It encourages both introspection and expression. You’re showing you’re being a mindful listener.
9. So what I’m getting from you is.
This kind of repeats what the other person just said (much like parroting, mentioned previously). You can also rephrase their statement and tell it back to them, which actively assures the other person that you are carefully listening to them.
10. Let me see if I got that correctly.
This clearly demonstrates listening but also shows the recipient that you are interested in whatever they’re saying.
Direct questions
Lachlan Brown, the founder and editor of Hack Spirit, a company that focuses on providing practical and accessible relationship, career and life advice, suggests these phrases to demonstrate active listening.
11. Yes I especially agree with [fill in the blank].
This signals that you’re actively listening.
12. Can you tell me a bit more about what you mean when you say [blank]?
Be specific here.
13. Where did you discover that?
This is important because it is getting to the source of the conversation.
14. How do you feel about that?
This is especially good if you’re talking to your teenage children who may be frustrated.
15. What led you to that conclusion?
This is a good way to continue the flow of the conversation.
16. I can’t ever know exactly what that was like, but I can really feel how much it affected you.
This active listening response helps show that you empathize with the speaker.
17. These are the main points I’ve heard you make so far.
Repeating back key points ensure you’re both in agreement on where the conversation is heading.
18. I see it differently, but I’m curious to know more about what you mean by your last statement.
This is a good way to disagree in a meaningful, productive way.
19. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page…
Even if you think you’re on the same page, it’s good to reiterate that.
20. Could you clarify?
Asking for clarification is always a good way to show that you’re giving your full attention and thinking critically about what the speaker says.
21. Are there other parts of that which you’d like me to know about?
This allows the speaker to continue the conversation more in-depth.
22. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard about that issue, could you explain a bit more?
You’re empowering the speaker to explain her views.
23. Is there another related issue regarding that?
If you don’t understand what they are saying, this is a good way to get more information.
24. I can especially relate to your story about [blank].
Show your empathy by sharing personal experiences from your own life.
25. Please continue, I’m following what you’re saying.
Often speakers feel like they don’t want to say too much. This encourages them to continue on with the same conversation.
27. Silence and nodding to indicate your openness to the other person to continue
Even if you’re not sure what to say, nodding your head is a good way to show you care.
Reassuring responses
Angila Liam, a psychologist from the EzCare Medical Clinic who diagnoses and treats a variety of psychological issues across different age groups, suggests the following active listening responses .
28. Really?
This response shows that you are not just listening but getting excited with the news as well.
29. Why don’t you try to [blank].
Here you can give different solutions and suggest ways to overcome the problems.
30. Do you mean to say [blank].
If you think you’re not getting the idea right, ask for it. Explain what you think it is and let the person correct you. It will give them a sense that you are actively listening and trying to understand their situation.
31. How would you like things to turn out?
Ask for their perspective and expectations for the future. This way the person will let it all out and feel better because their opinion is important enough that you’re asking for it.
32. I’m glad [blank].
Tell them you’re happy for them. Make sure they feel better about the situation if it’s something positive.
33. I’m sorry you have to face that, you can always count on me.
If the situation is not perfect, assure them that you will be standing beside them and they are not alone in this. Next up: 20 Ways to be a Better Listener
Sources
Jennifer Thomas, Ph.D., psychologist and author of When Sorry Isn’t EnoughKeischa Pruden, LCMHCS, LCAS, CCS, therapistRolf Bax, Chief Human Resources Officer at Resume.ioSander Tamm, CEO and founder of E-StudentLachlan Brown, founder and editor of Hack SpiritAngila Liam, psychologist
